What should I weigh?

Have you ever thought about the relentless pursuit we sometimes engage in to attain a weight that doesn't make sense for us? I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I don't get on a scale very often. In my old behavior I wore that scale on my finger like a mood ring. If it was high, I was miserable. If it was low, I was thrilled, and anticipated a good day.
When I began to heal from food bondage I remember thinking about a novel idea. Why not pray and ask God what a good weight for me is? After all, He created me- He might have a decent clue what a good weight for me might be! Once I uttered a prayer about this, I instantly knew what the right weight for me was. Not too thin, but thinner than the doctor's charts that dictate a certain weight for a height. I have stayed within the same 4- 5 pound range of that weight for over 20 years now. Sometimes the scale dips a bit lower by a pound or two, and sometimes it's a pound or two higher- but the difference is my reaction to it. No more mood ring for me! If it's higher I become more intentional with my food intake for a few days (sowing seeds as I call it in my book Truly Fed), and if it's lower I just continue with my life as usual. The scale is not a dictator! It doesn't have any real power. It's just numbers on a piece of metal. The real power is in your ability to walk towards freedom, to pray for wholeness, and to accept God's wisdom and direction for a new way of living with food.

A Day in the Life of a Freedom Finder

I often ask people in Truly Fed classes to imagine what a entire day would look like, free from the control of food. They squirm and ponder- and painfully confess that they can't really picture it, because every one of their senses is so warped with destructive behavior towards food.
Today I flew in a small propeller plane from Denver to South Dakota to do some consulting. As I drove past farms, hay stacks, and a robin blue sky based against the Black Hills, I thought about my former life compared to my current life. Back in the old days- food would have been on my mind every minute. What am I going to eat? Where can I get what I want? Will I be able to eat a normal quantity without getting sick? Do I want to binge tonight? I can starve it off later? Where can I work out?
My mind hurts just thinking about the mental cyclone that was typical in my daily thinking. Today it's completely different. I actually enjoy where I am, being present in every place that God brings me. Today it's South Dakota, and it's beautiful. I've been here for hours and haven't even thought about food once! In a few minutes I'm going to drive to Mnt. Rushmore and enjoy it, and then look for a place to eat. I'll eat what I want, usually healthy, but not restrictive, and stop when I feel full. I'll go to bed and feel great when I wake up, because binging and overeating are not part of my habitual behavior any more. Freedom is the gift, no... treasure- that we all can have. We all deserve it, and God wants us to live that way. Many people say to me, "Well maybe this is just the cross I have to bear in my life!" Not true! Some say "This is my one pleasure in life!" Overeating, binging, or starving is not a pleasure, it's a counterfeit. Freedom is the exhilaration of knowing that you won't ever return to your self-deception. It's knowing that God is your biggest cheerleader, and will direct and lead you to taking the chains off your life.

What is truth regarding food?

Have you ever wondered about truth? Do we really know what truth is in our lives? Jesus says something profound and powerful when He says "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." How does the truth set us free? It releases us by shedding light on what is a lie, and what is real. Lies are masked as reality, when actually they are just poisonous whispers.
Lies regarding food:
Life will never change. I will always feel like a failure with food.
I have no self- control or discipline in my life.
I have to be perfect with food- or I am a complete loser. (Perfect dieting leading to crazy binging)
Food is my one pleasure and escape. It's all I have.
Truth regarding food:
I was created with taste buds to enjoy food, but not abuse it.
I can make good choices regarding food, and change behaviors that have led me to despair.
I have fullness in life that doesn't need food to numb me.
I can eat in community and communion- rather than secrecy and isolation.

Seek after truth. When I began replacing the lies that ran me ragged with truth, my life completely changed. It was like pushing the off button to a bad CD playing on a giant boom box.
May your truth play loudly today- replacing the ugly lies.

Being flexible with food... Ouch!

I just had a bizarre experience with food- even after 22 years of freedom from food related compulsivity. As I have been traveling with my husband through minor league baseball towns- eating at strange times and not on any routine, I have pondered the state of my freedom. I typically eat one meal each day here(a good meal and I eat only until I feel full) and by the time his baseball game is over, it's late, and I eat only a snack, even though I'm really hungry by then. It's unlike my routines at home where work and daily schedules dictate a more normal eating pattern. This morning my husband and I woke up and went for a run. We then showered and ran some errands, and planned to go to a restaurant that I loved for lunch. It was around 12:30, and I was really hungry. Right before we got to the restaurant my husband mentioned wanting to check out the buffet offered at the hotel we were staying at. I said sure, thinking that of course he would rather eat at the place I wanted to, but I'd go along with the "checking it out" to be polite. Once we got into the buffet he said he'd rather eat there, and I agreed that it was OK, even though I really wanted to eat a particular salad that I loved at the place across the street I prayed a silent prayer that I wouldn't be grumpy or unpleasant to my husband or son. The meal wasn't nearly as good as what I hoped for, but I made the best of it. Later in the day I had to ponder a few tough questions: Was I so locked into my hope for that good meal that I was willing to risk good time with my family over it? Am I just so used to getting my way with my husband that when he actually had a desire that opposed mine I was mad? I thought and prayed about these questions all day as they perplexed me. I know I'm free and so happy with my freedom, but sometimes there are interesting fragments of selfish compulsion that try and push their way into my heart. Being flexible is a sure sign of true growth in someone that struggles, or at one time struggled with anorexia. This was a great reminder of that truth..

Tenacity for the long haul

Eating is something we must do daily. It's not like alcohol or drugs, where you can eliminate them from your life altogether, and be better for it. Not only do we need to eat, but God created taste buds on our tongues for a reason. We were meant to enjoy food! For so many of us, eating has become a curse. A giant blotch on the linen of our lives. The goal of Truly Fed, and the message of my book, is that freedom is the pursuit, not perfection in dieting. Dieting is a carnal way of fighting a spiritual battle. It doesn't work for the long haul. In his classic work titled My Utmost for His Highest Oswald Chambers defines tenacity as "The absolute certainty that what we hope for will transpire." When we believe that we can live and function differently with food, something begins to happen within us. We allow the power and cleansing of God to scrub this area of our lives for His good, and our own good. It's a scrubbing that changes who we are...

The Freedom we Find in Discipline

Freedom and discipline seem to war against each other. When we think of freedom we often think of lazy days at the beach, or being free to do whatever we want. The truth is, freedom is never actually free. The only way we enjoy freedom, is through an understanding of discipline. When is comes to food, we're free to eat what we want to eat, but not gluttonously. We lose freedom when gluttony enters the picture. Gluttony never invites freedom. Its only companions are guilt, failure, and stomach aches! I remember back in my "prison days" with food, I never felt free. I felt like I had no self-control. I hated myself for it, but it drove my emotions and self-image like an angry drill sergeant. Now that I am free I realize that I don't need to overeat food to feel satisfied. There is a powerful scripture in the bible that talks about sowing seeds to the flesh for destruction, or sowing seeds to the spirit for life. Life-sowing seeds regarding food and eating are what changed my life for over 22 years now. What a wonderful feeling it is to be Truly Fed and Truly Free!

Disordered eating!!!

Dealing with disordered eating can consume your life. It's not just the extremes of anorexia and bulimia, but the yo-yo dieting that lasts for years- even decades. It's the hatred of your body and the picking apart of thighs and tummies. It's the accusing after eating anything that's not on the "good food" list. Years ago I almost took my life due to the pain of compulsive overeating, and anorexia. On the verge of suicide I asked God to save my life, and show me real truth regarding food and habits. I've been free for over 20 years now, and I love to share this brilliant hope with others. If you are struggling with any type of disordered eating, rest assured... there is hope!